Lost in Darkness
by WallofIllusion
Summary: He needs to apologize for how broken he is-which is hard to do when he's still broken. Stein, post-Brew.


**Title**: Lost in Darkness  
**Author**: WallofIllusion  
**Fandom**: _Soul Eater_  
**Characters**: Stein, Death, Marie... and Spirit's there too apparently.  
**Misc. Notes**: Set shortly after the Brew fight. Rather creepy, or at least I like to think so.  
**Disclaimer**: If Soul Eater were mine, I swear to you that Stein would be the main character.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

His voice was thin. The words came from a tiny, panicking part inside of him, and it was all he could do to allow that part of him to speak. It was all he could do to ignore the clammy hand at the back of his neck, moving him like a doll, and to not realize that the sky in Lord Death's room was red rather than blue, filled with eyes rather than clouds. He licked his dry lips, swallowed, and spoke again. "It's entirely my fault the plan failed. I lost control. I don't—know why—" Something bubbled in his throat—causeless laughter—and he fought so hard to keep it in that he shook. No part of him wanted to break down in front of Lord Death, nor in front of Spirit who was eyeing him in worry. Marie was standing a few feet back, anxious for his sake, but even when he focused on her he could still feel the madness coil around him, wringing every ounce of rationality from his mind. Something bright and bizarre skittered across his vision. He turned his head to follow it, but it had already disappeared.

Lord Death made a sympathetic noise in the back of his throat. "Well, are you back under control now?"

What had that thing been? For a moment, Stein dared to look around, searching. It darted across the side of his vision, but again he was too slow to catch it.

"Stein?"

Lord Death's question sunk in and took a few more seconds to process. In this point, could it be any more than rhetorical? Even as his eyes continued scanning for the thing with technicolor arms and eyes, Stein shook his head.

"I see. …This is a pickle…"

Stein was afraid, not only of the hallucinations—part of him remembered still that they were hallucinations, it just wasn't speaking up—but of reality, too. That Lord Death would feel it necessary to wipe him out. He had felt this once before, and then it had been sufficient to scare him straight. Not this time. This time it only made him want to withdraw until he wasn't aware of the fear anymore.

Even if he didn't do so on purpose, he would probably reach that point soon anyway. Fighting took too much energy to be sustainable. He was paralyzed and he was drowning and he was losing his mind. It was hopeless. When he thought that, for a moment his fear was lost completely and a senseless joy inside of him felt like leaping, like flying—but Lord Death spoke again.

"What should we do, Stein?"

This time he really couldn't stop himself from sniggering, even as his rationality, his self, reemerged. It was ridiculous. "You would ask _me_ that? Now?"

"Well, you do know yourself best, after all. And only you know what's going on inside of you."

Another laugh rose inside of Stein, a nervous giggle, but he held it back. Didn't Lord Death realize that Stein didn't even trust himself to make reasonable decisions right now? It was foolish, it was stupid. Yet somehow it strengthened him; he looked up at Lord Death, pushing the redness to the edge of his vision. He voiced the most logical solution he could think of, feeling like he was using someone else's brain to do so: "House arrest."

Lord Death tilted his head in question.

"I will voluntarily submit to house arrest. I should not be allowed to leave my home, except in cases of emergency in which my presence, specifically, is required. …If Marie… is willing to be a guard of sorts…" But he had to stop; the redness was itching, inching towards the center of his vision again. A hand encircled his throat and squeezed.

"I'd be happy to—" Marie piped up, as if to conceal his faltering.

"Hmm," Lord Death said, "but I'm not sure we can stand to lose two teachers at once…"

Stein focused on his breathing. He could still breathe normally. He was not being strangled. "At this point, a guard may not be… absolutely necessary. The madness… does not… push me to action." He could even speak. He was not. Being. Strangled. Sight and touch were not listening to reason, so he discarded his reliance on them. He was lost in darkness and safe.

"Hmm," Lord Death said again, as leisurely as ever. Stein wanted to rip him apart for not understanding what he was going through. "But is house arrest really necessary? It seems a bit extreme."

"It is necessary." He meant to add, _if not now, then probably in the near future_, but he felt suddenly dizzy. For a terrifying moment, he felt the world turn on its head and he realized that he had no guarantee that his ears were any more trustworthy than his eyes. Which was funny, really, because that meant that maybe nothing he perceived was true, and—wasn't that funny? Through quiet laughter, he thought he heard Lord Death reply, thought he heard Marie say his name as she stretched out her hand to him, and he took the Kishin's hand and let himself be led away.


End file.
